Mother-Fugn-Writers (Mothers and wives who write)

A few tips for all you Mother-Fucking-Writers out there.
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1. Never be at the computer when your husband returns from work if you were at it when he left. He'll likely, (maybe subconsciously) conclude you've been there all day. This also applies to having the baby in a high chair and or walker or jumper.
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2. Remember that you're a wife first, and your crazy characters second. (Mothers fit into any category, so you're fine there.) It's all about appearing normal and not unhealthily submersed into your story. Set aside some time to ask questions that look like you really care. But not about work, once they clock out at the job, they don't want to rehash usually. Talk about the kids, your job at home that you never leave. Talk about your accomplishments (not in the book) but in the house. The laundry, that stain you finally got out. Your sad little life is just the picture they need to feel needed, smart, and important. Motherfuckingwriters really understand this more than they'll ever know.
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3. You need to make sure and attend family functions at least once a month or he'll begin to suspect the truth. It's not healthy that you like being with your story more than your family that you never get away from. So, be sure and hide that one well, go to the park, McDonalds, whatever. Use that time to do a lot of the mental work in your story. Take a notpad for writing a list of groceries and use it to take important notes at the same time.
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4. It would benefit you to to take up writing or reading romance if you don't already. Erotica preferrably because motherfuckingwriters especially need this chemical motivation. In fact, if you tell them this particular genre is your passion, they'll likely be very supportive and make sure you have every resource at your fingertips to ensure the success of such a beautiful and fulfilling pass-time.
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5. Joy, pleasure, physical excercise, peace of mind. Sex is like a total body work out. Don't neglect it. Like dynamite, if you use it right, your life will explode with joy and satisfaction. Use it wrong, and your life just explodes. Kids and all.
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6. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. And the stomach is governed by the penis. Sex is the root cause of all problems. The good news is, it's also the solution.
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7. There will come a time when you'll be in a crunch to get something written. Feign sickness. (I don't say this lightly, use this SPARINGLY, preferrably when a sickness is going around) It gains you a ton of time because there's no personal hygiene, house cleaning, elaborate meals, or sex obligations.
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8. Refrain from calling your husband or your children by your character's names. If you slip up, laugh and tell them you did it on purpose and just wanted to see how they would react. Say it was a homework assignment in that how to book you're supposedly reading to help make you a best-selling erotica writer.
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9. On the mother side of things, multitask, multitask, multitask. Let the kids swim in the small pool with baby shampoo. In their clothes. Teach them responsibility by training them in chores until they are proficiently doing theirs and yours. With rewards. It makes them happy, and the motherfuckingwriter much more productive.
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10. And don't, whatever you do, tell anybody that knows you as a mother and wife, that you write. They will NOT get it.